im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
