we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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