you mean i was at the winter classic?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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