I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
