i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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