K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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