I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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