you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
