It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
