Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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