Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
