Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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