And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
