Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
