i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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