I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
