I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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