Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
