I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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