just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
