You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
