she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
