I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
