three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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