I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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