I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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