I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
