well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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