her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
