The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
