She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
