worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
