apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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