you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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