I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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