I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
