when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
