I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize