shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
