So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I love you. Go after that dick
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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