You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
