And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is the high leading the old right now
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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