I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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