Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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