I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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