Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
