I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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