The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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