Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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