Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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