who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
