You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
