True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
