Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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