Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
