I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
