I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
