i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
