u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
