So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize