Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
