Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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