So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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