I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
