So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
