walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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