I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
