Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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