If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize