Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
