Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
