a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
