so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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