That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
