it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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