I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
