Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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