whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
